Before, During and After

BEFORE:

I've been sleeping even worse than usual.

I've been wanting to eat nothing but starchy, fatty foods.

I've been less patient and less creative.

People I know, and people I only know of, are experiencing health stressors and death, babies being born, anniversaries of deaths, and new beginnings with new dogs.  They all want attention and advice and permission to be self-absorbed.  Those new to deeply loving, new to 24-hour caregiving, or new to loss want to tell me how to feel and what to do.  Scenarios of how I would say, "This is sadly not new to me," or between gritted teeth spray out, "You, in NO WAY, are just like me," or yell, "You are not the only person under stress and duress in the world, you know!!!" play out in my mind as I continue not to sleep.

I think I'm stressed about Foster's chemotherapy.

Foster has been a beautiful and powerful healer.  Everything is ready.  I've done all that I know to support his physical and mental health.

Let's do this FD.

He is so sweet...

DURING:

In the dark hours of the beginning of this day, Chemotherapy Treatment Number One, I decide to stop focusing on my human irritations.  I decide to stop focusing on all Foster is going to have to endure.  I decide to stop accepting the sick feeling of what I am about to do to him.

I decide to focus on the blessings of what we are able to do for him.

Foster says, "It's all good, Lady.  It's no big thing."

 How do we always get the best ones?

How do we always get the One-In-A-Million Dog?

AFTER:

We wait for side effects in a house with no electricity.

We voice our collective knowledge that no electricity does not mean No Power.

We are powerful.

We are a family.

We are Team Foster Dog.

Our Team Captain is tired.

Heal Heal Heal, Little One.

You are The Focus.

We are Your Team.