November

November has a lot of emotion for me.  Several emotional events have occurred in November.  My Dear Friend Carrie's first brain surgery, November 25, 1997.  Satchel's soft tissue sarcoma surgery, November 22, 2004.  My dad's first chemotherapy, November 19, 2003.  The list of people for whom I have been a primary caregiver through cancer isn't short.  It also includes Koko and now Foster Dog.  Four people have mentioned recently that maybe I am doing something to bring cancer into my life.  November is challenging.

Once the sting from those people's words subsided, I realized the challenge I thought November to be was actually not a challenge.  The sadness, the emotional events, yes, they are easy to recall, but they were also easy to walk through with those I loved.  It was easy to hold Carrie's hand, to sleep in the parking lot waiting for Satchel to be released, and to sit with my dad during his chemotherapy treatment.  To care, and to give care, is what I do.

Some people are afraid and want these experiences to be my fault, to be within my control, to be caused by something I am doing.  They want to believe that cancer can't happen to them because they couldn't manage the emotional challenges.  I know that cancer can happen, and I am confident that I can manage the challenges.  I don't live in fear that it might, will or is happening.  I live in love.

November has a lot of emotion for me.  It's just how it is.