Having a soft energy, I have had to educate myself about where, when and how a harder energy can be useful. Anyone who has heard me call Foster's name as he runs towards the woods knows I can be just as tough and serious as I am soft. I have learned to exhibit the energy required to meet the energy of the situation.
Luna is very social and sweet, but when she wants to be social and sweet with someone in the cul de sac just outside of our driveway, I am fierce about enforcing the rule of not walking into the road without me. Luna doesn't always feel the border between driveway and cul de sac, but she hears and feels my hard energy when I call her to come back over the boundary! I have met some dog owners over the years whose hard energy has been positive in their relationships with their dogs, and some whose hard energy has not.
Andy and Vicki lived on a three acre farm-style property. They had a few sheep, a pig, a duck, some chickens and three spaniel mixes. One of their dogs kept running away when outside with Vicki. When the dog was with Andy, she stayed within the boundaries of the acreage. Not only did Vicki feel badly putting "Runaway" (not her real name!) on a leash, she felt badly "yelling" at Runaway to come back. Vicki's soft and unsure energy was not inspiring Runaway to stay near.
Andy's energy would be described by most people as hard. What I observed was clear communication and a confident demeanor. Out on the property with all of his dogs, Andy could talk to me while knowing where each one of them was. When Runaway seemed to focus on a scent, Andy said, "Runaway, stay in your yard." If she stayed focused on the scent, Andy said, "Runaway! Come!" His commands were loud and Runaway knew he was serious. She came and sat down next to him. He petted her. Andy's hard energy created comfort and safety for his dogs. When he and his energy were present, his dogs wanted to stay. We taught Vicki that being confident and enforcing the property boundary was showing love through discipline and not a harsh punishment.
Sam and Missy had a Black Lab named "Jake." Jake was undisciplined and not much fun to be around. Sweet, but not fun. He jumped on guests and counters and his owners. Missy did not feel confident in preventing Jake from jumping so she would send Jake to the basement if she was having anyone over. Sam used physical direction and a loud voice.
Sam showed me how he yanked Jake's collar to bring Jake to the ground then dragged him to the basement with the words, "You! Just! Don't! Listen! So you have to be in the basement!!" When I called Jake over to me in Sam's presence, Jake peed and crab-walked a few feet. Sam's harsh, out-of-control attempts to correct the issue created an insecure dog with no one to trust. I worked with the family to use fewer words and more food and affectionate rewards to build trust with Jake. We developed a plan that would show Jake what they wanted from him instead of only yelling about what they didn't like.
In Sam's case, hard did mean mean, but we worked together with his harder energy to turn harshness into confidence and benevolent leadership. Dogs want to know what we want, not just what we don't, and if we act only out of anger and frustration, dogs can only absorb the imbalance of us. Dogs need us to be secure, confident and kind. Whether you do that with softness or hardness is up to your personality and what works best with your dog's personality. Dogs can bring out the best in us as we try to bring out the best in them.
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