Since I was 9, I've had 6 dogs who were my personal companions, my responsibility. I've shared 4 of them with Jason. All together: four boy dogs, two girl dogs.
Spunky, my very first dog, a boy, was adopted through a rescue organization on his very last possible day of existence. He was scheduled for euthanization that afternoon. My mom let me take him home. He was an English Setter, maybe one year old. He loved me. He loved running away 1st, me 2nd and eating green beans off the vine 3rd. I didn't know a lot about dog training then and he was hit by a car. I was devastated and remember crying over him as he took his last breath.
Woof, my second dog and second boy, adored me to the ends of the Earth and back. He was a mix of a few dogs, maybe Labrador Retriever and a Shepherd of some kind. Since losing Spunky, I had read a lot about dog behavior and dog training, and we created an extremely strong and unique relationship. Woof and I spent so much time together, I didn't even need to speak to have him do what I needed; he just knew. I loved him so deeply, I've still not fully recovered from his death when he was 14 years old. Such a long life, but it's never long enough when it's your dog.
Satchel, my third boy, was the first dog I shared with Jason. Satchel loved me, but he ADORED Jason. Jason was his Sun. I fed him, walked him, love love loved him, and cared for him in every way, but it was Jason around whom he orbited. When Satchel became ill, he gravitated toward, and then clung to, me, I think because he knew I knew what he needed, but during most of his nearly 13 years with us, Satchel sought out Jason for true happiness.
Luna, my first girl dog, started out liking me and Jason equally. Somewhere along the way, she found me. She somehow discovered that I am her Sun. She likes Jason, and finds him very fun, but it is me with whom she constantly wants to be. We are uniquely linked and I can't think of myself without her.
Koko, my second girl, came to us at 12 years old. I had known her since she was about a year old and loved her. I spent nearly every day with her for about 10 years and then every second possible for the last 2 years of her life. Koko was special and my love for her hasn't waned in the 2.5 years since her death. She loved me just as deeply. Our bond was airtight. She liked Jason, but Koko knew she didn't have to choose between us. She knew she belonged to me, and I to her.
Foster is my fourth boy. He was unsure about Jason when they first met, but in the year since he came to us, Foster has shown he really loves Jason. Foster gets very excited when I come home, and he follows me around all day, but you can tell when it's time for sleep that he's ready to hunker down with his Jason. Foster loves me and wants to please me and wants to be with me a lot, but to him, there's something just a little more great about Jason. I can understand that.
Jason and I are different with our dogs. His energy is harder. He's more commanding. My energy is softer. I tend to be more demanding of consistent behavior, but I encourage behaviors by "catching them" doing things well. Even when Jason tells them they are good dogs, his "Good Dog!" sounds harsher than mine. We're just different.
I am completely against the idea and practice of "your dog" and "my dog" in a home. We are not separate packs. We are a family, and I feel adoration and responsibility to each member. How I show my adoration and and shoulder my responsibilities is different from Jason. It would never occur to me to go outside and get the mail or something out of the car without them. Jason rarely takes the dogs with him. Yes, it's 2 feet to the car and a short walk to the mailbox, but I always offer the dogs the opportunity to go with me. Sometimes they will wait at the open door for me because they don't feel the need to go with me, but I always feel the need to offer.
Jason doesn't budget outside time into his appointment schedule and he doesn't think about the dogs' possibly needing anything through the day. For sure, he knows I have probably taken care of everything, but when I have to be gone for several hours, he often doesn't think the dogs need to go out, while I like to go out with them every couple of hours. Jason's different approach isn't at all because he doesn't care. He loves our family. He and I are just different in the ways we care for our family. I'm wondering how the differences in our personalities play out in the differences in our relationships with our dogs.
I hear from other families that the boy dogs always love the boy humans and the girl dogs always love the girl humans. I don't want to believe that this is a given. Do you think male dogs more often gravitate to the male humans in their families and that female dogs more often gravitate to the female humans?
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When I was growing up our family dogs always loved my mom the best. She explained that it was because she was the one who fed them. Sure enough, when I had my own family, the dogs always loved me best. I fed them, trained them and walked them. When my children were about 11, 14, and 16 we got a 10-week-old German Shorthaired Pointer (our beloved Sammi who is now 14). I had never had a shorthair before, so I studied about the breed. I read an interesting fact about this versatile hunting dog -- they are equal opportunity family dogs – they love all family members equally. Sure enough, Sammi would snuggle in with 11-year-old Katie as soon as she went to bed, then sometime in the night she would creep into bed with 14-year-old Joe. And then she would end up with 16-year-old Kelly and stay there until late morning whenever Kelly would get up. Later in the day you would find Sammi curled up next to me reading a book or my husband Steve, watching football on the couch.
Once this routine came to light, I remembered what I had read about the breed. So the kids decided to do an experiment. They put Sammi in the middle of the room and each of us sat around her and called her excitedly. Confused, she would whirl around in circles and each time a different person would win her favor. The teenage years can be a difficult, turbulent time as children pull away from adults. Two of my favorite people are fond of saying that we get the dogs we need. I can’t help but think that Sammi came to us to help keep everyone grounded and centered on the family.
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