And We're Walking...

With the changes and worries I've had in my little life recently, I feel that I've focused too much on the challenges and not enough on the joys. It is easy to recognize the joys in my life daily, and I thank God for every second, but I have spent a bit more energy on the things that worry me and make me sad and frustrated. Today, I found a more rewarding focus. Today, I took pictures of the dogs I so happily walk.

Springtime with Allie, Blaze, Honey, Tredder & Luna

Something I've realized about myself in the last couple of years is that I am more myself, more at peace with everything I know, when I am walking with a dog. There are people that I feel comfortable with and treasure and enjoy, but I've found no one makes me feel more powerful, more graceful, more strong, more smart, more loved, more understood, more at peace, more in tune with nature and myself, more secure, more Me, than a dog. I have a few favorites, but walking with a dog makes me The Best Me.

I have some dogs in my life that teach me daily, and who remind me I have to be clear in my communication. Since my sister's dog Allie has been with us, Allie is reportedly more calm at home and actually worn out at the end of her day! I hope that is a result of our communication with Allie: I tell her with words and gentle hands where to be and when to sit and when to lie down and when to go through doors and when to run around. If I wasn't clear in what I want from Allie, she might become stressed and confused in her new-ish environment. We're pretty busy around here! With direction and activity, and lots of praise, Allie is hopefully calm, tired and happy from her mental and physical day at Camp Canine! I know I can get tired from being vigilant about meeting the needs of all 3 dogs here. They're all different, but they're all dogs, and my joy comes from interpreting and meeting their needs. My joy comes from hearing and seeing that they are fulfilled from the day.

I've read and been told that if I don't meet my own needs, I can't meet the needs of those around me. While I can understand what people mean, I know they can't completely understand that one of my greatest needs is to give my family a great day. By trying 17 different locations, Satchel finds One that makes him feel comfortable. It's hard to lift him every time so he can find that One, but I feel successful and happy for him when he's found that One. He's often comfortable for an hour or more if he finds that One Spot himself. By meeting that need of his, I am filled up.

In my opinion, dogs need a structured walk every day to be on their way to being fulfilled. It's not the only thing they need, but it's a major player in what makes a dog happy. It just so happens, that I need a walk every day to be fulfilled too! So walking with Luna, or Luna and Allie, or Luna, Allie and our dog walking clients, fulfills all of us. Walking seems to meet a primal need in each of us.

So I'm walking and I'm fulfilled.
So I'm walking with my dogs, and I'm happy, and will be better able to focus on the joys of my every day. My every day with dogs.

DON'T GIVE IT ALL AWAY

I'm not sure how to express what I'm thinking and feeling. For those who know me, please start breathing again. I know, it's beyond unusual. It's pretty much unheard of. I usually have many many ways to express my every thought and feeling, instantaneously. I'm having a hard time right now. I'm not feeling misunderstood; maybe it's more like un-understood.

Over the last 10 or 15 years, I have made a conscious change that has turned into an easy habit. I used to voice my opinion on anything and everything and want others to verbally acknowledge their agreement, especially when before I started speaking they disagreed with me. I now still have opinions about virtually everything, but I'm no longer compelled to share every single one, and I no longer have to make anyone change his or her opinion to mine. With respect to my earlier behavior, I realized I was being rude and insecure. At the time, I may have been smart and accurate, but I began to see my smarts being buried by bad manners and a lack of confidence. Instead of interrupting, I started nodding my head and "letting" people have their opinions and tell their stories without any contrary input from me. Sometimes it was really hard. Sometimes it still is, particularly when it involves dangerous dog behavior. Sometimes I still voice my opinion or some "advice" when it is not asked for, and I am reminded: My opinions and experiences are my own. They belong to me and are my responsibility. I shouldn't give them away.

I am reminded of this Lesson From God and Dog (both who communicate with, and teach, me without ever saying a word) because I am on the other side. Lots and lots of people are sharing their opinions and giving advice that I haven't asked for.

For years, people have said Satchel is going to die soon. I get it. He's been old for a while now. He's a big dog. He's had cancer. He's had throat tie-back surgery to prevent him from suffocating to death. Most big dogs, and especially big dogs who've had the issues he's had, only live to be like 8 or 10 or maybe 12 or 13 years old. Satchel will be 16 in July. He is the strongest person I know.

Yes, I know his longevity has something to do with how I care for him. The majority of dog owners do not give their dogs over 20 nutritional supplements each day, or make Dr. Pitcairn's recipe for Healthy Powder and include it in their dogs' every meal of human grade ingredients dog food. Most pet owners don't consult a nutritionist, an oncologist, a canine cardiac specialist or a laryngeal surgeon. Most dog owners don't walk their dogs every day, or stay up with them all night because arthritis affects their digestion. Some people have told me they couldn't do all of these things. I can't imagine not doing everything.

I don't wake up each day wondering if today is the day Satchel is going to die. I'm not super skilled at Living In The Moment, but Satchel has taught me how to do that. Whatever his needs are at the moment, that's where I am. I help him stand up. I don't think, "Oh this is so sad. This is the beginning of the end." I help him eat (He can't stand up to eat anymore so he lies down, I prop him up and feed him with a silicone spoonula. He LOVES it!). I don't think, "This takes too long. I can't do this forever." I help him get outside and walk the yard. I don't think, "Come on dog. Hurry up. You don't need to be out here." I clean up when he pees and/or poops inside. I don't think, "Damn this dog. I can't take this." I follow him around as he paces when he can't sleep. I don't think, "He's going to die soon. He can't go on like this."

I don't list these things to illustrate patience or superiority. I list them as the facts of our days and nights together. I list them as our moments that we live in together.

I'm fortunate that my life provides me with the gift of being with Satchel and Luna. It's a cultivated life. It didn't fall into my lap, but I can still see the fortune in it. That fortune is not monetary. I have realized that my choice to be a full-time caregiver to those I love throughout my life is not a big money-making venture. While I can pay my bills and plan for my future, my greatest fortune is Living In The Moment, taking care of my little family. I have peace and comfort in being a witness to every joy and challenge in Satchel & Luna's days.

Maybe because so many people have dogs, they think they have important information to share. Maybe because they've had a dog that died, they think they need to tell me how to know when "it's time." In the last year, I've spent a lot of time nodding and "letting" people share their opinions and give their advice. Whew, I'm getting tired...

Some examples:

"You have to admit, Satchel's been in great decline for quite some time."
Said in my head: "No, Captain Insensitive, I do not have to admit that."
Said out loud: "Hmmm, I don't look at him like that."

"You really need to start preparing yourself for his death."
Said in my head: "Really? Seriously?! I do?! How did you go about doing that?"
Said out loud: "I'm pretty familiar with the process of illness and dying. I'll be alright."

"Oh, his quality of life must be awful."
Said in my head: "So what are you saying?! Are you saying I'm forcing him to stay alive?! Are you saying I'm hurting him?! Are you saying I'm harmful to him?!"
Said out loud: "He has some not so good days, but he has really good days too, and he's totally interested in his life."

"You know that could be...A SIGN."
Said in my head: "You know what? You're an idiot."
Said out loud: "If wanting to be outside is a sign of death, then Satchel's been about to die for about sixteen years."

"He can't walk very good. I hate to see a dog suffer. I don't know why you let him be like that."
Said in my head: "Idiot."
Said out loud: ...

Those are just a few of the encounters Satchel, Luna and I have experienced together in the last year or so. We know that our pack members will eventually die, and we can get through it together. With God's grace, and my Pack's support, I manage the pain of living without my Koko. I have promised to take care of Satchel for as long as he wants to be here. For as long as He Wants To Be Here. I'd take care of him forever, but I'm smart enough to know he won't want that. I don't advise him of when to go, and all we ask of others is to not advise us about it either. Satchel has taught me not to give all of my advice away. He teaches me every day to put my energy where it's most needed...to provide and live in tangible moments of joy with my little family.

Happy Satchie on the beach of Lake Michigan

CAMP CANINE

God provides. Dogs provide. Family provides.
The roughness of last week has started to smooth as I accept the experience of being fired, and as I think and pray about what I'll say if I do receive a phone call to clarify what the heck went on.
Within days of that heck, my family rose and became creative with opportunities to help me recoup money & some of the self-confidence lost.

#1 Allie has come to Camp Canine at Casa Curtin-Hess!

Allie is my sister's dog who enjoys the company of humans. As my sister says, "She doesn't necessarily need me, she just needs someone!" and for now, that someone is Me! And Satchel & Luna. Allie will be coming to Camp Canine, instead of her regular doggy daycare site, Monday through Friday to spend her days with us while my sister is at work. Allie's days will include lots of outside time, visits from people getting massages, and field trips to socialize with the dogs we walk. She will also get a lot of experience with getting out of the way of Satchel's stumbly walking. I'll direct Allie to a safe place whenever Satchel is on the move, but I expect Luna to really show her The Way.

#2 My mom is coming for massage!


Allie found a cozy place to be while I worked: Under the desk in the Massage Room!

My mom used to come all the time, but hasn't for a long long time. Now she wants to come back.
It goes against every rule of The Universe to have your Mom pay, so we're going to work on that, but how sweet of my family to find ways to reduce my stress.

I'm working on a progress note so that I can report Allie's daily experiences to my sister.
Satchel is adjusting just fine so far. I was worried the increased activity and energy might stress him, but he seems relaxed...it's a beautiful day so he's spent a lot of time lying in the grass in the yard!
And Luna, our Perfect Luna, is adjusting well. She welcomes anyone we welcome into our home, and she and Allie have already had a dog walking adventure and 3 run-arounds in the yard...you know the crazy chasing game dogs can play around trees and in the straight-aways of your yard.
Allie seems comfortable with us - she lived with us for 5 months when she and my sister moved to Michigan a few years ago - and she's napped and had snuggles and adventures. That's a full and hopefully fun day for a dog!
I hope everyone sleeps well from the changes and pleasures of the day.
We're going to do it all again tomorrow!

PACK TIME

The Pack has had some rough moments this week. Your Fearless Pack Leader has been nearing the Disabled List with overuse injuries to her right wrist and elbow, left knee, and entire lower back. Lifting Sweet Satchel's 77-or-so pounds 20-30 times a day has been challenging, but his back legs haven't been receiving the right messages from his brain and the challenge has increased. All Pack Members are feeling a bit wounded!

What's really gotten our Pack Leader feeling beaten up though is an exchange that caused emotional wounds. The Pack's Leader was basically fired by a client this week because she asked to change some appointment times to accommodate Dear Satchel's needs. Now, no one has really said she's fired, or that appointment change is the reason, but after almost 9 years of service to this client, one would hope to hear support instead of, "I need a break. I'm tired of you being wishy-washy."

Some appointment change requests doesn't seem equivalent to "wishy-washy," and there's definitely more to the story than The Pack can share here, but WOW. We can know that it's more about the stressors and life of this person than it is about Leanne, but WOW.

This is why Leanne is a D.O.G., a Dog Obsessed Girl. Dogs don't let you down. Dogs don't use you to make them feel better about themselves. Dogs don't decide to shake up your life because they are bored with theirs. Dogs don't need a break from you. At least not Leanne's dogs. The D.O.G.'s dogs appreciate her, and they clearly show it so she never has a doubt. Luna runs to see Leanne the moment the garage door opens.


"Hi Leanne! I missed you!"

Satchel looks to Leanne for all of his needs; he knows he can count on her to translate and decipher and get it right.

"Hey Leanne! You always know what I'm sayin'!"

So Leanne is grieving a relationship she thought she had, and she's trying not to stress about the money. She's being her resilient self and feeling blessed to be able to spend more time with The Pack. Since she's been home almost 100% of every day for a week, Satchel has been sleeping through the night! That hasn't happened since maybe June of last year!!!

The week also brought 4 money making opportunities including 2 new clients. God provides. Dogs provide. Leanne gives everything to us, and Instant Karma shows her she's making the right choices. Being a caretaker may not have been the biggest money making life choice, but there's nothing better than being at home with Leanne. There are manipulative people out there with selfish ideas. At home, we have comfort, happiness and security. Leanne will always be Satchel's cushion and patient guide. She'll always be Luna's happiness. She's everything good to us and anyone who doesn't recognize her value doesn't know goodness.

That client is supposed to call back after her 3 week "break." We think she'll beg Leanne to come back. Leanne doesn't think so. Leanne's not even sure she'll get a call. But she is sure she can't go back. Life is so precious, Leanne can't spend her time with anyone who doesn't support her Pack Time. She feels confident she can find a way to make enough money and stay home with us. She smells kind of nervous about it right now, but she also smells confident. She smells good. She is good. She's good because she's a Dog Obsessed Girl. She's a D.O.G., and we're lucky she's ours.

TEASING

I encounter a lot of people in my average day. Not all encounters produce conversations, but many do. How is it that so many of these conversations are turning into sessions of Leanne teasing?

Granted, I'm a totally sensitive person and don't enjoy being teased, BUT can you believe I am being teased about how I take care of my dogs?

There has been a break in the criticisms and "advice" about Satchel. I haven't heard that I'm keeping him alive out of selfishness in a while. I am thankful for that, but I received some painful comments on this blog recently, such as I "have too much money" if I'm spending it on health supplements, pee pads and specialty foods "for a 15 year old dog who can barely walk." I honestly believe it was one of my neighbors because most people who read I'm a D.O.G.! don't ever see us. I've mentioned Satchel's arthritic challenges, but the rude comment gave me the definite impression it was written by someone who sees us... I've opened myself up to comments, I know, but Wow, I'm not used to that...

While that one was down right mean, there has been some "gentle ribbing" about a few other things involving how I care for my dogs.

The Flashers:

When Luna and I walk early in the morning or later in the evening, it's dark outside. She wears a red "flasher" on her collar and I wear a blinking one on my coat. She's black. I wear a black coat. We're walking on suburban neighborhood roads, and cars do go by. I think it's smart to wear flashers. A few people have stopped and commented about how we're "So cute. It's obvious you don't have kids. Your dogs are like your kids and you're like the overprotective parent! So cute!" Hmmm. We're cute, yet I'm overprotective because I don't want to be run over by a car. Hmmm. And let me just say, my dogs are not my kids. My dogs are my dogs. When people say that, I think they think I'm somehow substituting dogs for humans. I'm clear in my choice to have dogs. Didn't want kids. Want lots of dogs. Clear. Like the Crystal River. I don't see humans and dogs as interchangeable. Luna and I are cute, but I don't see putting on a safety flasher as overprotective.

The Seat Belt:

In the last couple of weeks, 3 people have noticed that I seat belt Luna in the car. One person, who I loved anyway and now love even more, said I was "such a good person" for seat belting her. I don't need praise, but it was nice to hear that! The others - strangers and irritating.
How about the person who said it was "stupid" to seat belt my dog and that I must not be able to control him (I'm usually not bothered when people assume Luna is a 'him,' but this one bothered me of course)? Since when did people become so outspoken???!!!! My response wasn't the strong comeback I wished I could come up with. As I strapped her Service Dog vest on I said, "Yeah, it sure is stupid to keep my dog from flying through the windshield. She saves my life every day. How stupid of me to try to keep her safe." The long comebacks are rarely remembered. I'm wordy dammit.

The Fleece Jacket:

When Satchel was a bit younger, our little family spent one weekend/month in Glen Arbor, Michigan walking the many wonderful trails within the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore. There is a lot of hunting, legal and illegal, out in the wilderness. The dogs and I could hear the shots as we walked some of the deep-in-the-woods trails. I decided to buy lightweight jackets for the dogs in the bright orange safety color of hunters. I hoped this would alert potential hunters to the pet status of the moving animals their eyes might catch. I thought it was just smart to be safe out in the woods. Got lots of comments. Some not so nice. I started to think that some people might simply be irritated that I was smarter and/or safer than they were. I have learned more clearly with Satchel that people often criticize what they wish they were strong enough to do, but are not.

The Life Jacket:

Luna and I haven't been on a boat in a while, but when we were making plans to go on a group vacation that would involve some boating, I bought a life jacket. Yes, Luna is a Labrador Retriever and she is an EXCELLENT swimmer, but the same things that could happen to a human could happen to her. If there was any kind of boating accident, she could be hit on the head and unable to swim. Water could be choppy, and she could grow tired. Why is it that parents always put a life jacket or a helmet on their kids, but never themselves?

There seem to often be questions about why I do what I do for my dogs. I've been teased quite a bit about my "doggy parenting." I let it go, but I think, Why is it so odd to care for my dogs as if they are important and irreplaceable members of my family? THEY ARE IMPORTANT AND IRREPLACEABLE MEMBERS OF MY FAMILY!

LUNA TEACHES US ALL

Luna has been a wonderful teacher to me. Since she came into our lives, I have learned so much about dog behavior and have become a better dog owner and person.

Luna came with the explanation that there was something neurologically wrong with her. Satchel had come to us 6 years earlier with severe anxiety and behavior problems. We had learned to help him, but when Luna arrived, I decided to do more than help this time. I was going to see who she really was.


Luna's First Day

Our little family was experiencing a lot of drama, and we felt Luna was going to be another smile maker, just like Satchel. We knew her first need was the same as Satchel's - walking with me every single day. A lot of book reading, internet searches and obedience class attendance helped me understand how to meet my dogs' needs, and how to do it all myself. My dogs and I were a team, with me being the lovingly demanding coach!

A good Lake Michigan workout!

The pressures of our dramatic life revealed two very important needs of our own. Number One, Jason and I needed to get away and devote time to Us, and Number Two, I needed to get some support for my frequently plummeting blood sugar.

To address Us, Jason, the dogs and I started spending one weekend per month in Glen Arbor, Michigan. The walks in the woods, the afternoons at the beach and the sleeps in nature rejuvenated Us. Luna and me in particular. When just Luna and I walked in the woods together, we'd be out there for 3 or 4 hours and I'd never speak a word, but we communicated. Without a leash, she stayed with me. With eye contact, body language and confidence she followed me everywhere. She was teaching me how to lead her. She was teaching me she would give me everything if I gave her confidence to follow.


Luna asks, "Which way do you want to go? I'll go that way too!"


Luna asks, "Are you sure? You know you get cold right?"

When Luna and I walked through town, with her leash and license attached, I noticed some people crossing the street to avoid walking by us. I thought, 'How sad. They'll never get to experience the beauty of the energy of Luna.' I knew that because she is a big dog, maybe even because she is a dark dog, people feel intimidated by her. Whatever. I don't need to point out Luna's perfectness to anyone. She's always Exhibit A for that. Those whose eyes and minds are open would see. Luna was teaching me about other people and myself. I learned that while I loved teaching and leading her, I didn't feel I needed to teach and/or lead anyone else. It was ok, and actually good, to focus on just myself and my little family.

While I was emotionally rejuvenated from the weekends in Glen Arbor, I had begun fainting due to low blood sugar, and I began feeling anxious at the grocery store. The leading cause of death for people with my type of hypoglycemia is 'blunt force trauma to the head from a fall.' After I fainted in the shower one night, I knew how to address Problem Number Two. I would train Luna to be a Service Dog to me. I researched the Service Dog laws for the State of Michigan and got to work. I didn't find instruction on how to train her to alert me when my blood sugar dropped below 60, but I knew I could train her to protect my head. With the help of the kids in my life, Luna was lying down, becoming my pillow, and not moving no matter the temptation, within a week. She taught me how to teach her, and she reinforced the lesson that with a job, a dog has happiness.


Perfect Student Luna & Her Favorite Teachers

When Luna is working, she has to focus on me and not on all of the wonderful scents and people in the store, or wherever we are. Putting on her "Service Dog" vest is her signal to be 'working.' Its patches alert people to her working status and if they want to pet her they have to ask. Luna is FAN-TAS-tic in a store. She's so sweet and calm; her energy makes me feel confident. She sometimes makes a few mistakes in aisles where something has spilled, but when she's working, she's working and people's whispered, or not so whispered, comments do not distract her.

Some people don't notice her vest and they reach out and pet her. Some people don't notice her vest, or don't care, and they want to tell me all about their dogs. Some people are just plain super rude and ask me either, "Are you training her?" or "What's wrong with you that you need her?" Luna has provided me with the opportunity to focus on me. She has taught me to say, "We're working. We can't stop and chat." I don't have any guilt. We are a team, out in the world, doing our jobs and tuning out all the distractions.


Luna looks sharp and is very official

A reaction that surprises me is fear. Luna and I have had people yelp and say very loudly, "I'm afraid of dogs! Can you keep her over there?!" I admit it, with some judgment and irritation I say, "No problem. She's here for me and she's focused on me, not you...but you are going to have to move. We need something from the shelf behind you." I know that we are Ambassadors for all Service Dogs and it wouldn't kill us to speak more kindly. I could say something like, "Yes, of course, but if you're afraid of dogs, this one is the one to help you. You won't find a better behaved or friendlier one!" But Luna has taught me something else. You don't have to be an obvious teacher to anyone. And sometimes you can't be. Just by being herself, working for me, Luna shows people that there isn't a better behaved or friendlier dog. She's with me for me, and she doesn't need me to point out her gifts to anyone. She exudes 'gift to the world,' but the only person she cares about in those grocery store moments is me.



Focusing on kids as a Registered Therapy Dog

I met a dog last summer that also exuded 'gift.' Her name is Hera and she is a Staffordshire Terrier in Dog Town at the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Kanab, Utah. I love her. We have such a consuming dog life right now, it wouldn't be right to bring her into our home, but I keep track of her and I think of her.

She could be mine...

She is a cousin to the Pit Bull Terrier, but you know every person would look at her and think she was a Pit Bull and therefore a danger. If people are afraid of Black Lab, Service Dog Luna, they're going to be afraid of Black Staffordshire Terrier Hera, but Luna has taught me something else. While it's misinformation or lack of information that makes people so painfully unaware, it's not necessarily my job to educate them. I do not have to educate every person who stops us in the store that Luna is there for me and I trained her myself to keep me from cracking my head open on hard floors in case I faint from my Moderately Severe Hypoglycemia which is sort of like the opposite of diabetes, and they can pet her, but they should reach under her chin instead of over her head or on her back because if she can't see their hands she will be curious and keep looking for them and she's almost 8 years old and I don't know if she's 'full Black Lab,' and most Service Dogs cannot be interrupted while they are working so we really need to get back to work and no she doesn't bite because she doesn't need to protect herself that's my job and she wouldn't be allowed to be a Service Dog if she wasn't safe and well behaved...etc. etc. etc.

I know that if I one day get to have Hera, people will look and they will be afraid and they might even say something about her, just like they do with Luna, or maybe completely differently. I won't care. Luna has taught me that by just being Us, just doing what we do, we are quiet Ambassadors for the dog that someone thought couldn't be trained and shouldn't be kept. She is an example of a big dog with a soft heart and a soft mouth. She is a teacher. She teaches me, and others, daily, without ever saying a word.

SALON SATCHEL

Our Dear Satchel has developed a humongous issue with "hot spots" (a moist, raw sore on the skin of a dog or cat caused by licking or other continual source of moisture). Due to incontinence creating a need for many baths, we've made some adjustments to Satchel's bathing experience. We call it The Salon Experience at Salon Satchel.

First, we get him into the shower:

Soaped Up Satchel

He doesn't love it, but he's a very passive dog and will do whatever we ask...and he loves Jason.
We do our best to clean every crevice while keeping him comfortable and warm.
Because of his arthritis, it's difficult for him to shake, so we use a lot of towels and dry him off. Then we lie him down on something and get ready for the blow drying!


No, it wasn't made in 1875, but I purchased this in probably 1992 maybe...?

On the COOL setting, Satchel gets a VERY lengthy blow drying. His Labrador Retriever-like hair holds so much water, it takes ForEver to dry him. But if you've ever seen a hot spot on your dog and then you picture a 6-inch round one on poor Satchel, you'd blow dry him ForEver to avoid it. Sometimes I switch over to WARM, but it's mostly a cool Salon Experience.


Passive Satchel endures my attention once again

Satchel is growing more and more comfortable with this process and has started to actually enjoy it a little bit...
But it's Luna who really likes the WARM setting:

Luna says, "Ahhhhhhhh..."

After the Day at the Salon, everyone is worn out.

And it wasn't even Luna's turn at The Salon!

Sometimes Salon Satchel has to be open 24 hours, or there have been many occasions of The Night at the Salon, but this time it was just an evening of Salon Satchel.


Maybe he'll rest for more than 37 minutes tonight...

Casa Curtin-Hess is full-service. We haven't found anything yet that we won't do for each other.