Should I tip?

I've been asked recently, and saw a bit of a debate on the topic, about tipping your pet sitter.  Some say "Yes!" some say "No!" and some say "No way, why would I?"  Here's my take on it.

I walk multiple dogs three days per week.  I am not tipped.  I do not expect to be tipped, but I do appreciate when my clients pay me even when they are traveling with their pets because they know I have set aside that time for them every week.  I don't expect it, but it is a kindness in our relationship that has lasted for nearly a decade.

I rarely see my clients, the human ones.  I am walking with their dogs because they cannot be home to do it themselves. I am trusted with their canine family members, keys to their homes, and codes to their garages and front doors.  It is a very personal relationship with my clients being vulnerable.  They can't really know if I've shown up, or if I've snooped through their homes, or if I've stolen something.  They trust me with virtually everything they have, and I do not take that trust lightly.  I am honored by how much faith they have in my honesty and accountability.

Sometimes clients will leave a little chocolate treat, or a selection of fruit, or some other kind of snack or beverage for me because I walk with their dogs in the noon-ish/lunchtime-ish hour.  It is so sweet, and it makes me smile.  I always leave a thank you note along with the note about how their dogs enjoyed, or did not enjoy, the time we spent together.

Sometimes clients will leave me a little gift from their travels or simply from a trip to the grocery store or mall.  I have even received a luxury dog bed for my burrower Foster.  My clients tell me kind things like they cannot pay me what I am worth and therefore they want to show me in other ways how much they value me.  It is all very kind and beyond appreciated, but still, I do not expect it.

Again, I rarely see my human clients, and these kindnesses often feel like evaluations.  I do not think my clients see them this way, but I see these gestures as ways of telling me I am doing a good job, and that always feels good to me.  I can know that they value my work by their continuing to hire me, but a note or a chocolate or a bottle of water or an extra walk's pay gives me confidence and builds our relationship.  It's just nice.

So should you tip your dog walker or pet sitter?  I don't know. I don't expect it, but I know it is hard to find someone you can trust with the whole of your possessions and at least some of your family members.  I would pay well for the service and value the relationship.  However you show your appreciation is up to your personality, but I will say my clients are getting more than someone to walk their dogs, and I have received more than monetary payment and chocolates.  It's a long-term relationship that has gifted us all.

One Pack

Good Lord, it's been six months since Atticus came home and we've had many adventures and learning experiences and I didn't blog about a single one.  Uucchh.  I have no discipline for writing.  I also don't think you'll be interested in 97% of what goes through my mind, but Good Lord, it's been a while.

I was asked a question nearly six months ago, and it struck me as so unusual that I thought I would write about it.  I thought about writing for quite a while, and then I asked people what they thought for a little while, and now I'm going to try to remember what I felt and what people said.

"So is he like J's dog?"

That was the question, and oh yeah, now I remember how I felt!

What the what????

"Pardon me?" I asked, trying not to let my voice rise to the ridiculously loud level it can when I'm surprised or irritated, which was how I was immediately feeling thinking I'd heard 'So is he like J's dog?'.

"Is he more J's dog?"

Quizzical-faced pause while trying not to look judgmental.

"What makes you ask that?"

"Well, I just mean, he's with J right now and it seems like he might like J better and be his dog."

"We're not 'his or her' kind of people.  We're a family."

The polite conversation didn't end there, but the whose-dog-is-he portion of the exchange ended.  I don't think it ended because the person completely understood me and it all made sense, but more likely because the person did not understand what I was saying at all and dropped it.

I could have jumped on the exchange as a 'teachable moment,' but some times I'm just tired of the moments, and many times, no one wants me to be his or her teacher anyway.  We are One Pack.  We are not two teams labeled Humans and Dogs.  We are The Pack.

As a pack, J and I have had a few dogs, five actually.  Each pack member has, and had, his and her own personality, and likes and dislikes, and quirks and needs.  Each pack member is part of "We," and not a "His" or "Hers."  Yes, Satchel was drawn to J as if the sun rose upon J's entrance, but Koko looked to no one but me in our home.  Luna did not realize until she was about 3 years old that it was me she loved like no other, and Foster Dog is happiest while lying on J's lap.  All four of these loving canines have preferred to be in the massage room with me at any time of day, and even if J has chicken in his hand, a walk with me is the number one desire.  There is no "You are J's dog, and you are Leanne's dog."  We are a family, and we each have an energy and a place that makes each of us happy.

Atticus whines and yelps when I walk away from him while J holds his leash.  When he is told he can jump into bed, Atticus leaps to lie next to me.  When J rolls one pant leg up, or is wearing cycling shorts, Atticus can focus only on J.  J behaving this way means Atticus will be running along side J's bike for a "bike run."  Besides, tracking a scent, there is nothing that makes Atticus more happy than a "bike run."  So whose dog is Atticus?  He's ours.  Not his. Not hers.  Ours.

We also don't have separate packs in our family.  Humans are outnumbered by dogs in our home, but there is no human pack and dog pack; there is The Pack.  I'm always surprised when dog behaviorists are labeled "outdated" for using the concept of "dominance" in their observations because those who seem to dislike the word "dominant" often use "alpha" when describing their pack environment.  Merriam-Webster (2013) provides one definition for "alpha" as: socially dominant especially in a group of animals.

I have no research to back up my observation.  It's just something I've noticed along with people asking me, "So who's the alpha?" when looking at our dogs.  I always respond with, "Me."  Often the follow-up question is, "No, with the dogs.  Who's alpha?"  I always respond with, "Again, me."  Sometimes I'll add, "They've chosen, and in some ways been forced to live with humans.  I'm the most equipped to teach them and keep them safe to live among humans.  I have to be alpha at all times."  I do recognize that dogs know humans are not dogs.   They play completely differently with each other than they do with us, but ultimately, it is me who has to have the only word in guiding them.

In the canine world, unwanted behavior is punished, and deferent, desirable behavior is rewarded.  We do that in our home as well.  When you take a toy away from your pack member, I will remind you that the toy is mine by stepping on it (Punishment by you not having access to it).  You will walk away from it (Deferent, desirable behavior), be told "That's right," (Reward), and I will give the toy back to the pack member from whom you took it (Reward to that pack member's deferent, desirable behavior).

During feeding time, there is a place for dogs to wait until their meals are prepared.  Those who wait and stay in the proper location are called to their meal stations first.  When everyone behaves equally well, all are told "Okay," and each pack member goes to his and her meal station.  Everyone is rewarded equally when everyone does what I want, and when they see this over and over and over without fail, they learn to trust my consistency, both in my demands and in my fairness.  I am alpha, and I encourage every human who interacts with My Pack to behave as I do so that The Pack recognizes all humans as socially dominant.  I do that because in any situation involving humans and dogs, any mistake made will always be blamed on the dog.  It is my job to protect My Pack, and that is one way to protect them. (If you want to talk about dogs as protection, that's a whole other topic!)

So, there is One Pack.  My dogs are My Pack and The Pack, and I am the Leader of My Pack and The Pack.  I am a member of My Pack and The Pack, and no one belongs exclusively to me or to anyone else.  We belong to each other.  We belong together, and to keep us together, I work every day to keep us safe, harmonious, and happy.  That's an Alpha's job.

I say by Foster Dog

Ok, here's what I say, "That Atticus Dog is crazy."

Leanne brought him home and Luna and I looked at each other and said, "What the?"  Leanne smelled so happy and eager for us to accept him that we had to admit, "This is an adventure."  Atticus is a busy busy nut job.

Leanne says Atticus is a puppy who didn't have a Pack to support his development.  She also says that is no excuse for him to not follow The Ways, but she says it's going to take some time for Atticus to learn how things work around here.  He is so not on our plan.  As J says, "He is not dialed in yet."

I like my naps.  Everyone knows this.  Atticus has not yet learned the beauty of even one nap let alone the multiple naps I need during the day.  Thank You Leanne for wrapping me up so I can block out the rambunctious puppy.  I tell him, "Dude, I'm trying to sleep here.  Calm it down," and he says, "Foster Dog!  Come play with me!  Foster Dog!  I love you!  Foster Dog!  Leanne is calling me!  Gotta go!"  Again, Thank You Leanne.  I don't know how she keeps that bugger occupied during the day.  He is a non-stop Tasmanian Devil kind of creature.

You do have to feel for the guy though.  He'd never known the Blueberry Unfrosted PopTart until he met us.  He didn't even know about walks in the woods or chewing on antlers or  cuddling up with heated blankets or sleeping with humans.  He's been totally deprived so I'll give him a pass about some things.  Some things I won't.

The dude only wants what I have because I have it.  He's totally like a toddler who thinks everything is his.  I let him just have stuff because that's My Way, but it can get really annoying.  Leanne returns the stuff and distracts the Big A with something else so I can enjoy an antler or the destruction of a toy now and then, but it's like he's obsessed with me.  Leanne says he loves me, but he also competes with me, so she'll let him love me, but she'll never let him win.  Leanne says she will always win, and you know what?  She's right.  She never backs down from The Beast and he's learning that she means business.  Luna and I know that already, and totally think it's cool, but The Puppy just doesn't get it yet.  He will.

So until he's dialed in, Luna and I will keep trying to show him The Ways, and as long as he doesn't mess with my naps too much, he'll be alright.  I think we could really work together on the squirrel issue outside...once I get up from my nap.

My Words by Luna

Everyone has been asking if I like Atticus.  Eh, he's alright.  It doesn't really matter if I like him.  I can get along with anybody.  What matters to me is if Leanne likes him. When she's happy, we're all happy.

My job is to nurture Leanne.  I just make her feel good about everything, and when she feels good about everything, everything is good, you know?  She says I've taught her a lot, but I think I've just loved her and shown her that she's great.  Sometimes she doesn't think she's that great, and I just remind her.  Atticus though, he's really teaching her things.  He's a teacher.  He's going to show her she's great in his own way.

Atticus is pretty funny.  He's so clumsy he kind of falls down the stairs like a stretched out Slinky with extra gravity.  And if we won't play with him, he barks like a baby.  That's what he is really, a baby.  A big baby who can't really balance his head on his body.

Leanne worries about Atticus like she does about me and Foster Dog.  She doesn't like to be away from us and adding crate time for Attie stresses her.  Just like Foster Dog though, Atticus pretty much likes the crate, and that helps Leanne manage the time apart.  She also worries about meeting his needs because she's still learning what they are, so Foster Dog and I just let her know what we need and Atticus usually thinks our needs are good ones for him to have too.

He is Thee Worst about chewing on leashes.  Good grief, why does he do that?!  It takes up way too much of our time on walks sometimes.  Thank God Leanne is patient because I might have to have a talk with him about it.  It's just so annoying.  He is Super Good at waiting for meals.  I totally would have a talk with him if he was all antsy and runaroundy, but he's Super Good and just waits.  He's actually better about waiting until he's called to his station than I or Foster Dog.  That's why he gets called first a lot.  Leanne rewards our behavior, not our seniority.  Freaking puppy.

Oh My Gosh does he take up a ton of room in the bed.  Leanne isn't sure he's ready to cuddle up with us, but she lets him practice a little and one time we all fell asleep and left absolutely no room for J!  J is so accommodating with stuff like that.  J just slept somewhere else for a while until Attie decided to put himself to bed in the crate.

So do I like him?  Eh, he's alright, but he makes Leanne happy and she's super happy when we're all walking in the woods, or anywhere.  She just likes to be with us and as long as she still makes time to be with me, I'm good.

Hi Everybody! It's me, Atticus!

I said, "My name is Atticus.  I belong to you."

I've lived with Leanne, J, Luna and Foster (that's his real name) for two months now and they're great.  I knew Leanne was mine because she was the first person to hear me say my name is Atticus.  Some nice people at K9 Stray Rescue League named me Harlan when they saved my life, but Leanne heard me say my real name.  She's really nice to me and has bought me lots of stuff and is super patient with me.  She calls me "Attie" a lot and I always come when she calls me...except if I'm tracking a critter.

I kind of pull a lot on a leash, but Leanne won't let me be disconnected from her.  She says I'm getting better, and she says one day she bets I'll be able to track anything on any surface since my nose is so powerful.  Because it's been a little icy outside, and I'm so interested in squirrels, Leanne walks with us all for only 20 minutes or so outside twice a day, and then I get to walk on the treadmill!  I'm really good at it!  So I still need to learn how to not pull so much on the leash, and to come to Leanne even if I'm tracking something.  Leanne says I'll get it, and until then she tells me I have to stay on the leash, and I can't howl at the black squirrels, and I can't try to jump through the door wall, and I can't chase the Pug at puppy school.  She has a lot of rules, but she's nice.

We like to walk together in all kinds of weather!

Leanne was even super nice to me when I did a really bad thing.  I ate two of her chapsticks.  She calls them "lippies," and I ate two really really expensive minty ones.  Leanne doesn't know how I even found them, and she said she must have made a mistake and she needs to watch me more carefully.

Leanne says she learned from some people that I'm not the Young Adult the K9 shelter thought I was.  I'm actually a puppy and no one is sure how old I am.  I might not even be a year old yet!  A behavior lady says I was on my own really early and didn't really have anybody to show me how to be.  Leanne says she'll help me!

Leanne and J and Luna and Foster have helped me a lot already.  Foster plays with me and he and Luna try to teach me about playing nicely.  I've learned to wait patiently while Leanne makes my meals - I LOVE what she feeds me - and I wait until she tells me I can eat.  She tells me I'm so sweet and so patient.  I think she loves me.  And I think I love frozen green beans and Blueberry Unfrosted PopTarts.  I know I love the elk antlers they give me to chew on!  Leanne says I'm a Heavy Chewer and that it's her job to give me what I need so I don't get into any trouble.

Chewin' next to my favorite

Leanne says there are at least two things she's surprised by.  She thinks it's so great that I like the crate they gave me to cuddle up in.  She says it's hard to leave me, but since I like the crate so much, it's easier for her.  They only leave me for like two hours, but I can tell Leanne doesn't like to be apart.  When we all come back together everyone is so happy!  Leanne says she thinks it's so funny that I like to have my ears cleaned!  I still don't like my nails trimmed, but Leanne says she'll help me get used to it.

Everybody is really nice here and Leanne says I will live with them forever and ever.  I don't know what that means exactly, but I think it means they're my family and I belong with them and that they love me no matter what.

Leanne made us dress up and pose on the porch

Harlan/Atticus/Attie/Big A

Getting Along

The most common question we've been asked so far is, "Is everyone getting along?"  My response is always some variation of "Of course!  We would allow for nothing else!"  I realize that to some my answer may sound overly optimistic or confident, or even clueless as if I am completely unaware of dogs fighting.  I am confident, and I am aware of fighting among dogs, but I do not believe I am overly optimistic.  I believe I have have been preparing My Pack for harmony from the moment each member arrived.

There isn't one particular thing I've done since Atticus arrived to ensure harmony.  Our family's harmony is a family value!  To be My Pack's Leader, I have had to earn each member's trust, and I have worked to do that by being fair, being kind and by protecting him and her.

Foster Dog arrived a year and a half ago.  We helped him adjust to the new family dynamic by always being fair.  We do not allow one dog to take toys from another.  We do not allow one dog to intimidate another to force one to move from a favored bed or location.  We do not favor one dog over another by showing more affection, allowing differing behavior, or giving more treats.  We also do not give treats and praise based on seniority.  We reward good behavior from whomever it comes.

Jason makes special shakes twice per week.
Each dog receives a sampling.  What one dog gets, all dogs get.
Atticus received his first, and chose to enjoy it by Fosse.

We are also kind.  When a canine family member arrives, there are bound to be a lot of "No"s.  I don't yell, "Noooo!!!!" for every infraction.  I not only try to show what behavior I want instead of yelling No, I save the big "Noooo!!!!" for things like counter jumping.  When Atticus went up the stairs without permission, I did not yell, "Get your butt back down here! Atticus, COME!"  I said, "Attie, come down here, buddy.  Come on," and he came down the stairs.  I said, "Good boy buddy.  Stay down here with me," and then I blocked the stairs so he couldn't make that mistake again.  When he showed curiosity with upstairs again by trying to scale the barricade, I calmly said, "No, Attie.  Come over here," and I interested him in a toy to chew on.

Atticus & Foster Dog chewing on high value items.
Next to each other.
By choice.
On Day 2.
I love my family.

When Foster Dog first came to us, he was underweight and unsure.  I would cover him with a thick fleece blankie when he relaxed, and he'd tuck his nose under.  So cute!  He was sweetly accepting of the kindness, and could feel both physical warmth and emotional trust created by Me.  The kindness bonded us.

When Fosse first came...My Little One...

Possibly the most important way I've earned My Pack members' trust is by protecting them.  While my safety provisions of seat belts are not overtly appreciated, I keep My Pack safe in great part with supervision.  Luna and Foster Dog have free reign of the house while I am gone, but since Atticus' arrival, he has not been unsupervised.  When I have had to be away from home, Atticus has gone into a crate.  This keeps him safe and it keeps Luna and Foster Dog from having to witness his TomFoolery!  When I am home, I supervise Atticus and work to teach him how to behave at home.  Luna and Foster Dog see this and hopefully feel protected from the shenanigans of a new dog who is learning about not jumping on counters, not busting out of doorways, and not howling at chipmunks.

Something I've done hundreds of times, and continue to do, is probably one of the most powerful.  When the dogs and I are out walking and a less than well-behaved dog enters our happiness bubble, I direct my dogs to my side farthest from the less than well-behaved dog.  I become a barrier and I am protecting My Pack.  They see that, and feel it, and it bonds us.  They trust me to block whoever is not safe, and to allow  around us only those who are safe.

Atticus is allowed around us, with supervision, and he's learning The Ways.  Hopefully he's learning that I am fair, kind, and will protect him.  So far he seems pretty comfortable, and Luna and Foster Dog seem pretty accepting.

They all fit on one dog bed.
This was on Day 3.

It's A Boy! Atticus joins The Pack!

I've been working at a dog training/boarding/day care business for six months.  It has been a busy busy six months including a lot of doggy slobber and snuggles.  Everyone has her favorites that bring excitement and happiness to the day, and then we say goodbye.  Twice per year, a group of shelter dogs lives at the kennel while they participate in an 8-week obedience program called Teacher's Pet.  Through Teacher's Pet, shelter dogs are matched with school-aged children who work with their dogs two days per week.  The children gain confidence, compassion and school credit, and the shelter dogs become more adoptable upon completion of the obedience training.

The shelter dogs usually come soon after school starts in September.  In late September, I wondered why the dogs had not yet arrived.  We learned that we would have to select the dogs and they would arrive in mid-October.  Five adorable dogs arrived, and we loved them all.  So sweet. So cute.  Great diversity.  Just adorable.

I am asked in a number of ways at least 40 times per year if I want another dog, know someone who wants a dog, if I can foster a dog just until someone finds a new place to live, gets through a divorce, settles into a new state or job, etc., etc., etc.  I have no problem saying, "No."  I know when to say, "No."

I took care of the shelter dogs for weeks without feeling any unusual connection.  Two "Big Dogs," and three "Puppies."  Each sweet and showing its individuality, but no connection felt, until one day...  I walked into the "Big Dog" room and though I had interacted with "Harlan" many many times, we truly saw each other for the first time.  We literally locked eyes and he said to me, "My name is Atticus.  I belong to you."  As we continued to look to each other, I said out loud to all the other Big Dogs around us, "Did you guys just feel that?"  It was truly tangible.  I tried to ignore it.  Our foursome felt perfect, but I had noticed that it also felt as if someone was missing.  I had said our family wasn't full; I thought I was missing Koko and Satchel, but that kind of missing feels differently.  I tried to talk myself out of it.  He stayed on my mind.

My name is Atticus.  I belong to you.

I asked a co-worker to take a picture so I could talk to J about him.

He was so strongly on my mind, I talked to J about him.  Every concern I brought up, J made evaporate.  Every co-worker I talked to about him saw him with completely different eyes.  The efforts to deny Atticus' place in our family were weak.  He was ours.  The Pack has expanded.  We are now a Family of Five.

Seatbelted and on his way HOME!

On our first walk as The Pack