SOMETIMES I'M ALONE, BUT I AM NEVER LONELY

I feel alone a lot. It's ok. I'm not the only person to love a dog. I'm not the only person to want to learn about being a fantastic leader for my dogs. I am the only person who is constantly observing my dogs. I am constantly watching Foster Dog. I am watching him for signals of how he is adjusting to, and learning in, his new life.

"New." I know Foster Dog has been with us nearly six months. I still feel like he's "new." I'm still getting to know him. Two nights ago, I learned he is intense and still unsure. We were on our evening walk and we encountered an unsure dog who charged and barked at us and backed away continuing to bark. That dog was on our right, Foster's favorite side, so I led Foster to walk behind me and to my left side to put myself between him and Luna and that dog. Foster was quite interested in that dog. Foster's ears were perky and he was looking to stare down that dog. Because that dog had backed away after charging, I felt confident that he was unsure and just barking to alert us to stay away. Foster's stare down could be the next step to a fight if I didn't remain calm and keep myself between everyone. That dog continued to bark and charge and retreat and I put my right hand up to communicate "Stop" to him as we continued walking by. Foster was pulling on the leash and darting his head from in front of me to behind me to in front of me to behind me. I stepped a little to the left to snap him out of his stare and, not on purpose, stepped on one of his front feet. He made a noise that sounded like a combination of a yelp and a growl, and he sort of spun around as if a bug was biting his back. This showed me he was stressed. Frustrated and unsure.



We quickly passed that dog, who had stopped barking, and I stopped us in some grass. Still keeping myself between my dogs and the direction of that dog, I said, "I got ya Foster Dog. I've got ya buddy," and kneeled down. Luna was her "whatever" self the whole time, but now thought maybe we were stopping for a treat break. Her ears became perky and she was very attentive. I told them both to lie down and we just paused for a minute. Foster Dog's ears went back and I thought, Ok, he's relaxed now. Only then did I give them each a little treat, and we continued with our walk. We stopped a few more times for treats and it was a great evening walk. Fun for us, and revealing to me. Foster Dog is still kind of "new." I've still got work to do in building our relationship.



Foster Dog has shown me several times that he is committed to us. I love when I call him and he approaches me with his head down and his ears back. He's coming to his Pack Leader! He also sweetly tucks his head under my chin when he's looking for a snuggle, just like a puppy or pack follower would do to his Mumma or Leader. He shows me that he knows I'm committed to him. It's a great feeling. What his behavior on that walk showed me though is that he, at times, still feels like he's out there on his own and is unsure if I'm there to protect him.



Dogs like that dog we encountered charge and bark from the school of The Best Defense Is A Good Offense, or I'll Bite You Before You Have A Chance To Bite Me. These academic programs can get a dog into a lot of trouble, but I understand the concepts. I'm working to teach Foster that I've got him covered and there's no need for him to be preemptive or respond. I've got it covered. It is my job to take care of him and everything we encounter. I tried to communicate that by putting myself between Foster and that dog, and by putting my hand up to Stop that dog. Most importantly, I tried to communicate safety and calm but not freaking out that a dog was barking and charging. I stayed calm, and Luna stayed calm, and with more experience, I think Foster Dog will stay calm. He's going to learn that I've got him covered and we're going to keep walking by barking dogs. Any dog that does approach us will be my responsibility because "I've got you covered Buddy!"



Some of the sweetest moments that show me Foster Dog is learning to love and trust us and be comfortable in his home involve Luna. Sweet Sweet Luna. Yesterday, as I snuggled my puppies who were lying on the floor near each other, Foster Dog tucked his head under my chin as a submissive pack member might, and Luna rolled over nearly on top of him to reveal her adorable belly and request a scratch. Yes, she too is a submissive pack member, but she's also very smart and intuitive and wouldn't reveal her belly without trust that I have her covered and without feeling comfortable that Foster Dog could handle her rolling on him! Then this morning, Foster laid down in the kitchen and rolled on his side. He was just so cute I had to get down on the floor and snuggle him. He wagged his tail...I love that. But even better, Luna walked over to see us and sniff him and Foster wagged his tail harder. Sometimes I'm alone, but I'm never lonely. There's love in this house!

WALKING AND BONDING

I've been told lately that I spoil my dogs. I ask the people who make this observation to tell me what I do that spoils my dogs, and I'm told things like, "You walk them all the time," or "They just are." Neither one of these responses makes any sense to me, nor does the observation that I "spoil"; whatever that means anyway. I think I meet the basic needs of my dogs. I exercise them physically and mentally, I feed them, and I encourage them to trust me by leading them to places and things that are beneficial to them. In short, I work each day to build a strong relationship with my dogs, with me as their leader and them as my followers. I don't see that as spoiling.

We do walk every day, usually multiple times per day. We spend approximately 2 hours walking together every day. The weather stops us only a handful of times each year. Honestly, my day doesn't truly start until I've walked with my dogs, and walking with them in the evening or before bed is a great way to wind down from the stresses of the day. The Walk is as much for me as it is for them and our relationship.


No matter the weather, we've got the gear and the motivation to be outside together.

I have specific requirements for our walk. My dogs must follow me. They are not to walk in front of me, or pull me to areas they want to sniff, or decide they want to stop and lie down. I decide when it's time to sniff and pee, not them. I've been told I'm too strict and The Walk should be The Dogs' Walk, meaning let them go wherever they want. I don't agree. I see The Walk as our time to bond as Leader and Followers, and I bet many of the people who let their dogs go wherever they want during a walk only walk one dog. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like on our 6 Dog Days if I let all the dogs go wherever they wanted and never follow me...uucchh...not enjoyable for anyone!


With one of our pals on a dog walking day. We're taking what we call a Shady Spot Break.

When I walk with my dogs, and I'm kind of particular in that I usually say I'm walking with them, not that I'm taking them, or I'm walking them, or that they're walking me. It's just a different attitude I like to start our walks with - We're Walking Together. Yes, I'm directing them, and yes, I expect them to follow me, but we're walking as a Pack, we're Together.

I use leashes frequently. Number One because Foster Dog and I are still working on our connection and bond - he would easily run into the swamp after swans or a chipmunk or a deer and not respond to my call. Number Two because I feel leashes often help me protect my dogs when I'm in areas where other people walk with their dogs who aren't as friendly as mine. Believe me, we are working on Foster Dog's manners in greeting dogs, but I am thankful to have observed him not respond with his mouth, but actually stand and tolerate the bad manners of dogs who have approached us by surprise. If I didn't have him on a leash, it would be more difficult for me to block the approach of another dog which could leave Foster feeling as if I am unable to protect him and that he's on his own. Protecting Foster, or merely controlling the approach of another dog or impolite human, shows him I see the bad manners of others and will control the interaction. It shows him he can trust me, that I'm always on his side, and that he doesn't need to respond in a way that could get all of us in trouble. I have told him several times, "I've got you covered, Buddy! No worries."


Pausing to document one of our many great days

Luna will follow without a leash, and one of our favorite things in the world to do is walk the Alligator Trail in Glen Arbor, Michigan. She with her backpack on, carrying all the things we need for the afternoon, and me with my walking stick. We are completely connected though there is no tangible fabric attaching us. It's one of my favorite feelings and I hope to create that with, and for, Foster too.


I told Luna to "Stay right there" so I could take a picture of her perfectness!



Foster Dog LOVES his very own backpack!

This is just what I do. These are my beliefs & values, and how I live them, and what I think is best for my family. I assume we're all trying to do what is best for our families. Walking every day, with structure and the purpose of bonding, is one of the best things I can do for my family. The bonus is that we love to do it! And by the way...


This is how some dogs look after a nice walk...

"FOSTER" MEANS "Of The Woods" NOT "Temporary" AROUND HERE

Once again, too much time has passed...
But enough about that; there is a story to tell.

The Pack has been pretty focused on Foster Dog for the last 4 months or so. He's needed our support to find his way into our family. We are asked two questions frequently.
1. "So, are you going to keep him?"
and
2. "Have you taught him any tricks?"

Answer Number One:
It never occurred to us that we wouldn't keep him. Sure, we were told we had to "foster" him for 2 weeks to make sure everyone meshed, but honestly, I didn't consider giving him back an option. I know that most people would have turned around and taken him back when he lunged at the dog in the parking lot 20 minutes after I met him. Or they would have taken him back when they found that he had been pooping in the Bonus Room. Or when he ate the 3 pounds of chicken off the counter - his Dream Day. Oh, and Fosse had a Dream Day #2 when he found the year-old Girl Scout Cookies in the bin in the back of the Saturn...some people probably would have taken him back to the shelter after that.

Or some people would have returned Foster Dog because he ran into the woods after a group of deer and was gone for 7 stressful minutes. But that's not Us. I look to myself and what I need to do differently to prevent those mistakes. Foster's mistakes are really my mistakes. And we've been working on them all!

Which brings me to Answer Number Two:
No, I haven't taught him any "tricks." Foster's been very busy learning Our Ways. Some of Our Ways include not jumping up and relaxing on the furniture; waiting at the top and bottom of the stairs until people have cleared them so there's no tripping; following me, not leading me, through doorways and on our walks; staying within the boundaries of our yard; not pulling on the leash; not jumping up on people when they arrive at our home, including not jumping up on us; giving me space in the kitchen while I'm cooking...it's a pretty big list. We've all been very busy teaching him and he's been very busy learning...and he's learning fast and well.

We decided to name him Foster because one of the meanings I read was "of the woods." That is perfection. We are not calling him Foster because we are a temporary family. We are calling him Foster and Foster Dog and FD and Fosse and Bobblehead McFosse and Buddy and Lovey Doodle and Dude because he is ours. And for the last month or so I've noticed that he knows he's ours...whenever I talk to him, or even look at him, he wags his tail. That kind of bond isn't temporary.

PACK VALUES

Ooooo, I let too much time go by between entries. Luna had surgery to remove 4 "very concerning" lumps from various locations on her precious body. All were analyzed and found to be benign Thank You God! Her many many stitches and itchy itchy nights distracted me from sharing the sweet things she and Foster do every day as well the things they teach us.


Two of Luna's 4 Incisions...the inflatable e-collar was a good safety collar for her because boy did these itch!

Having Foster enter our lives definitely brought new thoughts and experiences right away. What I didn't expect was to see strengths materializing so quickly in our relationship.

Luna is perfection. She has given me insight to myself and to nature that has brightened my life immeasurably. She has given me a confidence I can never adequately thank her for, and a definition of happiness we understand without words. I've always thought the goodness of Luna is simply her, revealed through the routine of our family-centric home. Foster is showing me that maybe, just maybe, the goodness of our dogs has a tiny bit to do with us.

I tend to waver between complete confidence and insecure modesty. I'm very confident about my values and life philosophy, but I'm often uncomfortable with voicing success. There are situations when I'm asked, or when I feel it's important to share a success story, but in general, I prefer to just live my life my way and accept that others are doing the same thing. I'm too frequently let down by people not doing what they say they are going to do, or by a judgment that hurts my feelings, but I keep doing what's right for my family. Sometimes it's just Us - me, Luna & Foster - here in Slightville, but we never feel lonely because we're always together. I'm always confident in that.


Anywhere we can go together, we suit up in seatbelts and go!


Foster LOVES to be in the car...here he is super sleepy while we wait for Jason's flight to arrive from SF...the car battery died and we had the fun experience of "getting a jump"!

It's been a long time since we've had to acclimate a dog to The Ways of Casa Curtin-Hess, and I've learned a lot about myself and dogs since then too. Foster has been a bit of a "guinea pig" in that, with him, I'm trying all the things I've read about, and helped other people do with their dogs. It's The 24 Hours of Dog Whisperer. Foster is showing me that at Casa Curtin-Hess, we're pretty much already The 24 Hours of Dog Whisperer. We're Livin' The Dream!


Foster has a unique blend of comforts here...

An example:
I documented Foster's Fantasy Day when he ate a ton of raw chicken off the counter. Since then, he's not been given the opportunity to interact with kitchen items unsupervised, but I have tested him with wide open garbage bags at his level, and most recently, an empty raw chicken container.

With these tempting kitchen items, I've had Foster lie down in the kitchen and for any eye contact or physical move toward the items, he's been corrected with my favorite jibberish "Aaaakkhhhh!" or "Ah-Ta-Ta-Ta-Ta!" He's done really well and he gets lots of praise in the kitchen for being calm and for just hanging out with me. I'm not ready to leave him alone in the kitchen all day, but we're building a great relationship. I don't only tell him what not to do, I tell him what to do and then I reward him for it. He loves it!


An Alert Foster Dog

Foster got me thinking more deeply when he got up out of his lay and growled at Luna who was walking in the direction of the empty raw chicken container I had put down on the floor to tempt and test him. I lunged at him with a "HEY!!!!" and kneed him out of the area. At the time, I thought he was "resource guarding" the thing, and I was really upset because I thought we had created an environment of safety and human ownership where Foster wouldn't need to guard anything because everything was ours and we provided it all for him.

I told Foster to lie down and I laid the chicken thing next to him. No looking at it. I told Luna to walk around us several times. Luna did it easily and confidently and Foster did nothing. I praised him for that. I had Luna lie down about 10 feet away from us, and I put the chicken thing near her. She knows she's not allowed to "interact" with garbage so she just ignored it. I told her how great she was and I petted her and everything was fine. Luna even rolled over to be belly up for scratches so I know she felt safe around Foster. She let it go and was over it. Foster seemed over it too. I felt good about how we all handled the mini-drama. The kitchen was a comforting, happy place!


NO LOOKING!

I had a thought later that maybe Foster was trying to "help" me in correcting Luna for going near the chicken thing. To me, even though Foster's reaction wasn't necessary, him knowing the rule is better than him resource guarding. I'm not sure if his actions were guarding or helping, but either way I had to correct him, and I think the experience strengthened us as a Pack. With that experience, our Pack Values became more clear. Luna showed us what to do and how to let drama go. Foster showed us what to be looking for and different ways to see, as well as how quickly we can learn. Hopefully, I showed that I'll let you know when you're making a mistake, calmly and confidently show you the right way, and then not hold a grudge.


You know all is well when we can sleep intertwined...

Firsts

Foster has had many firsts since arriving One Month ago. I've tried to document some of them in picture form because it's just so fun to remember when...


The First Time Foster Was Allowed On The Bed


Foster's First Vet Visit - it was mostly about Luna, but Foster got "checked out" a bit


Foster's First Bath - he kept licking his paws after


First Time Allowed Off Leash - He watched the birds across the lake most of the time


First Rollerblading Adventure - he LOVED it!


First Time On One of Our Favorite Trails


Foster is continuing to show us more of who he is, and so far all he's showing us is that he really really likes us and really really likes living here.

In Luna's Words

Leanne tells me lots of people want to know how I'm doing with "the new dog." Like always, I'm awesome.


Me in the grass at home

Jason and Leanne bring a lot of people over to see me. I take my job as Greeter very seriously and Leanne tells me I'm an excellent hostess because I always walk our guests to the door when they leave. I bring them a toy and wag my tail to tell them hello, and I wag my tail as I show them to the door to say goodbye. This is a wonderful job and I am excellent at it. I now have a new job, and that is to be a role model to "the new dog," Foster. Leanne tells me I am perfect. She's always telling me that.


This is what I might bring you if you come over

Foster is still adjusting to the routine around here. He smelled kind of nervous when he came and he doesn't smell like that any more. He used to stay sleeping when Leanne got up to get dressed, but now he seems to realize that when Leanne gets up that means we're going for the first - and I think best - walk of the day. He likes her a lot. I love her. I mean I really really love her. I keep asking him, "Don't you just love when she looks at you?" "Don't you just love when she stops everything that she's doing to come over and snuggle you?" "Don't you just love when she turns on the fireplace for us?" He's started to say, "You know, yeah, I think I do!" Like I said, he's adjusting.


Me & Foster in the wilderness of a morning walk

Me, I can roll with anything. Jason and Leanne make life easy and fun. They make only good things happen. I bet Foster's memory of a harder, more lonely, less lovey, less everything life is starting to fade. I can't even remember a life before Jason and Leanne. I don't spend any time thinking about it. I love knowing that every time I wake up, something good is planned for me. It's easy to do whatever Jason and Leanne ask. I trust them because they never steer me wrong.

Today, Leanne, Foster and I went for a walk near our house. I could feel how happy Leanne was. I could feel how excited and happy Foster was. I felt really good. Being outside, walking in the wilderness, is when Leanne and I are the most happy. We love it. Foster isn't ready to walk without that leash thingy attached, but it was easy to smell that he loves being in the wilderness with us too. It's like human time doesn't exist, and Leanne and her Pack (that's me and Foster) live in canine time - just for right now. We just walk and feel the breeze and smell the wild and be together.


Me and Foster on one of Leanne's favorite trails

So how am I doing? I'm doing great. Foster enhances our already great family. As long as Leanne smells secure and happy, and we keep walking, and that food keeps showing up in my bowl, and Jason keeps sharing his PopTarts, I'm awesome. Well, I'm always awesome no matter what. Actually, I'm perfect. That's what Leanne tells me every day.


Leanne telling me to pose as "The Perfect Peanut."

Individual

After the loss of a pet, some families get another pet right away. Jason and I learned that we are not like that. While I can't say when I would have ever been ready to add to our Pack, it took Jason about 7 months after Satchel's death to say that we should start the process. We had no vision of what our next Pack Member would look like or be like. Our Koko had been a mix of German Shepherd and Chow probably, and through DNA we found Satchel to be a mix of Yellow Lab and English Setter. Luna is 100% Labrador Retriever. We had never looked for a particular breed, or even a particular dog, at a particular time - they each found us and they each are perfect.


Our Precious Koko


Our Glorious Satchel


Our Perfect Peanut aka Luna

After Koko and Satchel died, we were asked not only if we were going to get another dog, but if we were going to get another dog "like Koko" or "like Satchel." I didn't know how to answer that question for a long time. I simply didn't answer it. I think it's a big risk to attempt to get a dog "like" one you've already had. Even among the same breeds, there are a multitude of personalities, and I think envisioning your "next" dog to be like your "old" dog puts an awful lot of pressure on your "new" dog.

There is no dog like Luna, and Foster is unlike any dog we've ever had. We're still getting to know Foster, but he has shown some behaviors that remind me of Satchel and Koko, and he's beginning to show us more of who he is. It's all touching, and a great adventure.

During our first walk together, I noticed that Foster loved tall grasses like Satchel did. I smiled, and I felt a sting of pain in my chest, as I saw Foster purposely brush his face through some dead tall grasses and then turn around and brush his face through them again. Satchie had always loved tall grasses and sought them out to brush his face through on a walk.

Foster seems to like the massage room, as all our dogs have. The massage room is warm and has a very soothing energy. All dogs and people tend to relax and enjoy the massage room. Satchel loved the massage room more than anyone. He would lie almost completely under the massage table during a massage, and if you ever wondered where he was, you'd probably find him snoozing there. After his first radiation treatment - a super stressful event - he came home and immediately went to the massage room. After his last radiation treatment - both a stressful and relieving event - he came home and had a long nap in the massage room. So far, it looks like Foster enjoys the massage room too.


Curled up into less than two square feet of space completely under the massage table!

Koko loved to lie on anything soft. If I dropped my clothes on the floor before putting them in the hamper, Koko would be curled up on the first thing to hit the floor. One of her favorite days of the week, was sheet changing day. As I removed the top sheet and threw it to the floor, there was my Koko ready to snuggle up on it. The fitted sheet and all the pillowcases only added to her snuggle-up bliss. I would let her lie on them as long as she wanted. She was just so happy, and it was just so cute to me. Foster did the same thing the other day. I burst into bittersweet tears...and then took a picture...


Just like my Koko used to do...

Luna LOVES the treadmill. During the year I couldn't really leave the house because it upset Satchel too much, Luna and I spent a lot of time walking on the treadmill. It seems to irritate her back and the stifle she has in her right knee, so I can't let her use it anymore, but we have walked many many miles on that treadmill. Foster is learning to walk on it too. He doesn't love it yet, but during our 5-minute treadmill training sessions, he finds a rhythm and will walk with me.


We'll be walking together on it soon.

I have seen some things that remind me of our past and present loves, and I have seen that Foster is his own character. He seems to be coming out of shock and showing us more of his unique personality.

One of the nicknames we've found for him is "Wonder Twin." He is very flexible and an excellent stretcher and performs "Downward Dog" all the time. The first morning after he was allowed to sleep on the bed with us, he did his "Downward Dog" and then slid off the bed as if in the "Form Of: Water." It was a crazy sight that made us laugh out loud! Because of that vision, we also started to call him "Slinky."

Foster's nose is very sensitive. He doesn't seem to like orange scents. I have two lotions I really love. One is Origins' Orange and Coriander and the other is Bath & Body Works' Orange & Ginger. After I wash my hands, I often use one or the other, and Foster always sneezes if I touch his face within a few minutes. He comes back to sniff my hands, and sneezes again.

Bobblehead McFosse's nose is so sensitive that he can flush out a mouse from under a wood pile and catch it...I'm not great with The Trials of Life.

Foster Dog loves evergreens. A pine tree cluster in the woods provides an afternoon of good smells and good back scratches. He weaves in and out and around the bases of evergreens; a yew bush will do in a pinch.

The Fos Man loves heat. He lays less than an inch away from a heat vent in the office. Happily.


Silly Jason was trying to dry his cycling gloves by "Foster's Vent."

I'm the namer in the family and thought Foster's name was True originally, but we were calling him "Foster Dog" at first and that seemed to fit because we were looking to nurture him and help him grow more comfortable in our home. He is actually nurturing us and helping us grow out of our grief. "Foster" also means "Of The Woods" so that's his name. He is Foster and he is what he is: an individual, unlike any other dog.